America Needs to Hear More Stories of Civic Virtue
Scanning most news stories makes it easy to conclude that American democracy is failing, which more than half of Americans now believe. Crime, culture wars, extreme politics and people shouting (and shooting) at each other is the diet we’re fed. But there are other stories, and they need more telling.
What happened for eleven-year-old Shayden Walker from Amarillo, Texas is one of these stories. Upset at being bullied and friendless, he rang his neighbor’s doorbell. “Um, I just wanted to see if you knew any kids around like 11 or 12, maybe,” the boy said into the doorway’s security camera. “I need some friends, like really bad.” Brennan Ray was not home but did talk with Shayden for a few minutes. Things could have ended there; he and his wife Angell only have a toddler. Instead, Brennan posted the security video on TikTok with the heading: "You never know what people are going through until you get a chance to talk to them. This young man is well mannered, kind, and brave. So TikTok can we help Shayden make some friends?" That post was viewed 69 million times.
Social media led to friends for Shayden from places as far away as Hawaii, China, Australia and England. He gained physical not just cyber friends. Hundreds of them joined a massive play-date for Shayden, organized by a group of bikers. Equally valuable, Shayden, his parents and the Rays are now friends not just neighbors.
Political affiliation, “wokeness,” religious preference, race and other things that sadly divide Americans and consume so much of the news feed played no part in this story.
Last April, Isaiah Márquez-Greene went to a New York Rangers game, excited knowing he was going to receive a team jersey from Jacob Trouba, the Rangers captain whose career he had followed for years. Isaiah survived the 2012 Sandy Hook elementary school shooting, though his six-year-old sister Ana did not. What he didn’t know was that Trouba would also present him with a scholarship, courtesy of the Garden of Dreams Foundation, to attend the University of Connecticut. "You deserve it, man," he added, as the two sat on the Rangers bench. Trouba got Isaiah’s phone number and will be staying in touch.
These stories may seem far removed from the current state of our democracy, but they are central to it. Shayden, the Rays, his newfound friends, Isaiah and Trouba showed us how to be good citizens. Democracy dies without the civic virtue demonstrated in citizenship acts. Citizenship requires more than being politically active. Respect, compassion, public spiritedness, service, and taking responsibility for others are critical attributes of citizenship. These behaviors are the glue that binds our social fabric.
Democracy is a bottom-up endeavor. The Rays and Jacob Trouba helped Shayden and Isaiah on the path to becoming better citizens - and became even better ones themselves. When democracy doesn’t build locally, it struggles nationally. The lack of civic virtue at the grass roots feeds (and is too often fed by) national leaders using that discord to gain power. Too many leaders act as if their job is to stoke anger and maximize divisions rather than encouraging and supporting citizenship virtues.
"The most important office, and the one which all of us can and should fill, is that of private citizen," Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis said.
Stories like Shayden’s and Isaiah’s occur in every community every day. Politicians and the media can use their positions of leadership to share such stories more often, as part of the leadership they should exercise. “Democracy building” is what we associate with funding in other countries, but we need more of it at home. We can’t and shouldn’t ignore problems, but fostering and then telling stories about how American democracy works shows that Americans have it within their power to make things better.
In the fall of 2021, Zach Brown noticed a broken-down car just short of a CVS parking lot. Stopping to help, he learned the driver had run out of gas, had a bad leg and could not push the car off the road. He did have a small gas can, which Zach filled and brought back to him. Zach realized a little gas would not get the driver very far so he handed him $40 to get more and be safely on his way. He turned down the man’s request for his address – no need to pay him back. The driver explained that he had just gotten out of jail a few months before and was trying to work in an honest job and be a good citizen. “He told me he would take my kindness as a sign he was on the right path and thanked me several times,” Zach said.
Bill Clinton once remarked “there is nothing wrong with American that cannot be cured by what is right in America.” There is a lot that is right. We should encourage, support and tell more of those stories, proving democracy does work.
Photo Credit: Angell Ray photo of Shayden Walker and Brennan Ray
